“A hangover is the visceral reality of a price being extracted" (The Futilitarians: Our Year of Thinking, Drinking, Grieving, and Reading by Anne Gisleson) - Day 54

Last Saturday was my joint 50th birthday party for which I had a self-awarded pass. (on day 48).

A slight cheat, nevertheless, but 52 days with no booze out of 54 ain't too bad.

The format was a long lunch at Queen Chow in Manly followed by drinks at the Wharf Bar. Top marks for a great day out and top marks to the WAGs for organising.

I went through lunch sober (which was really not difficult) but I did have quite a few drinks at the Wharf Bar, a quintessential typical, beers... cocktails... shots...

Anticipating a late night and a hangover, I made sure to get my weekly running volume and workouts done during the weekdays leading up to my party.  With retrospect, I crammed in those sessions to justify the pass and to ensure a guilt free hangover. Full disclosure, guilt and shame have never been emotions I've ever associated with drinking.

So how do I feel about my pass?

I began my day thinking I might not use it, so in that sense, I am maybe a little bit disappointed that I used it. I can't blame the long-lost mate who crashed over for the weekend! I can’t blame peer pressure as I wasn’t subjected to any, at least no more than I was during lunch when drinks were offered and turned down (with an occasional explanation why). I simply made the decision to say yes. The decision was all mine.

I have to be honest about it. I had loads of fun- Type 1 fun!

It is really fun to get loaded. Plus, mushrooms and MDMA were waiting for me at home, and that was lots and lots of fun too!

Sure as night follows day, hangovers follow a binge!

God, how I hadn’t missed you… the sticky and itchy eyes … the dry and swollen tongue …the mouth that tastes of dead dog …. the deep full-frontal headache that only barely shifts when the Nurofen kick in…. I dodged the nausea, more by luck than anything!

I did get back into my running and gym routine, although the sessions slipped into the evening because I was unable to stir for the 5:20 alarm.  Fortunetly, the binge didn’t have much of an impact on my physical performance/ ability to run and pump weights. It just fucked with the motivation.

However, fatigue and a woolly head accompanied me all the way through to Wednesday and it wasn’t until Thursday before I truly felt normal.

Something else unexpected happened this week.

One of my more reprobate (and self-acknowledged functioning poly-toxico alcoholic) friends called to discuss our upcoming holiday to Bali.

He told me that he hadn’t had a drink for a couple of weeks. He regaled me with the changes he had noticed: more energy, more motivation, clearer head, way more efficient at work, more time in the day, way less stress, fitness routine is way easier and generally feeling so much better all-round along with some weight loss.

The extent and the speed of the changes have really taken him by surprise.

We both discussed the fun that comes with drinking but also the realisation that it is not that difficult to go without, and certainly not difficult not to drink the amounts he and I regularly used to put away.

So! What has happened?

I think we have started to realise that we have flown under the influence for so long, when previously possibilities seemed endless, without any serious repercussions to health, family and work, that at some point our luck might run out.

At a fundamental level, the more down and dirtier the experience, so is the morning after when the bill comes in and it is time to pay.

We have called last orders (for now) before maxing out the credit card.

North Bondi (24/05/2024)